Please Don't Be That Guy » Words Fail Me

Beauty, Thy Name Is Bronzer

Andy — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 18:55:56 +0000

As I was watching this music video for Good Shoes’ latest single, “Under Control”, two thoughts came to mind.

Namely:

Bronzer isn’t just for douchebags from New Jersey, and,
It is, indeed, possible to make one’s genitals actually fear for their lives.

Yikes.

If It Bleeds, It Leads

Andy — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 15:54:47 +0000

Many times, we hear stories of journalist who are willing to put themselves on the line, going to the most hostile environments to bring us the story. While I’ve got a certain amount of admiration for that, that sort of thing doesn’t even come close to the amount of cajones, grit and abject stupidity shown by Ryan Duffy from VICE, an independent online-news collective. Sure, your Murrows, Cronkites and the like might’ve broadcast from war-zones and rooftops during bombing raids, but have any of them ever willingly asked to be shot at point blank range? That’s right, that just happened:

The story is actually really compelling, one of those things of reality that makes you think all those dystopian visions of the future are all-too-real and all-too-present. But it’s hard to even concentrate on the content of the piece. I mean, seriously? Dude just asked to be shot. In Bogota. By a tailor. That shit’s just not right.

The Crying Game

Andy — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 03:41:41 +0000

It’s been a long time since I’ve carried on a relationship with anything other than my coffee maker, let alone since I’ve been married, so I’m trying to keep that in mind as I watch this riveting series of videos in which blogger/designer Parker Stech documents his sweet-seeming wife Hollie’s devolution into a sobbing mess at the end of classic sci-fi movies. For example, here’s her reaction after watching Star Wars – Episode VI: Return of the Jedi:

Oh. Mah. Gah. Stech swears up and down that his wife’s all right with him doing this, and in some cases is even behind the idea of putting this hot mess on the internet. Even so, I have to think that some sort of marital karma is going to be visited upon him at some point. And by “marital karma”, I of course mean “videos of him crying after sex being posted on the web,”, much like the same fate I am sure awaits this guy. Thankfully, though, this is his bag of yin/yang to deal with, so jamokes like me can feel free to laugh and laugh.

It does, though, make one wonder what happens if she watches something truly sad, like, say any of George Lucas’ Star Wars prequels. Heyo!

Granny Panting

Andy — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 06:03:12 +0000

Something about this makes me want to dig up both of my dead grandmothers so that I can apologize to them for the internet.

…and Andy never ate ice cream again.

For Whom The Belle Trolls

Andy — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 21:40:39 +0000

I don’t really have much to say about this picture, except that it might well be my favorite vaguely-erotic/vaguely-disturbing photograph in the history of recorded time.

Great googly moogly, I love the inter-webs.

It’s Not Easy Being Green

Andy — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 16:45:59 +0000

I love the environment as much as the next guy, and generally I’m all in favor of using the power of provocative imagery to mobilize people. I like to think that that I’m pretty open-minded about how environmentalists get their message across, but as it turns out, even I have limits. One of those limits, apparently, is graphic video of polar bears falling from the sky. To wit:

Ugh. I suddenly want to become a fundraiser for the very airport this campaign is trying to stop.

Hee Haw?

Andy — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 03:58:58 +0000

It must be incredibly tough being a screenwriter these days. I mean, if you’re not tasked with systematically destroying the fabric of our popular culture or fruitlessly tilting at the windmills of nerd-dom, you’re stuck writing another frat-guys-murder-sorority-girls-on-a-yacht script. So one might be inclined to forgive writers Oliver Blackburn and David Bloom for their conceit as they grasped at straws for a clever way to deliver the coup de grâce in their little movie, Donkey Punch. Yep, you read that right – “Donkey Punch”, as in the world’s most odious sex act. Oy vey:

Seriously? Seriously! Is this what we’ve come to as a society, that screenwriters look to the Urban Dictionary for ideas? Great Caeser’s ghost. Man, sudddenly that live-action “Smurfs” movie doesn’t seem like such a bad idea anymore…

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