Please Don't Be That Guy » Nerdapalooza

Sign, Monkey Boy, Sign

Andy — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 21:40:13 +0000

Hrm.

I always thought that if Apple hardware ever came into contact with Monkey Boy, one or the other (or both!) of them would disintegrate into dust. Go figure.

Do Not Fuck With Lt. Uhura. Ever.

Andy — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 04:03:39 +0000

Nichelle Nichols in Truck Turner makes Pam Grier look about as badass as Roseanne Roseannadanna.

I think I now understand why Captain Kirk was never able to properly have an “away party” with his communications officer: there’s no way in hell that even Shatner has the stones to try to order that dame around.

Enhancy Fancy

Andy — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 01:14:18 +0000

Oh, Hollywood. If only life were like it is in the movies and on television, where any picture can be made clearer simply by saying those two magic words:

Look people, when former marginal comedian Richard Belzer tells you to enhance section A6, you’d better damned well do it. Physics, photography and sensibility be damned!

The Internet Wants To Date My Sister?

Andy — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 04:10:51 +0000

I’m old school, so when someone asks me to explain the internet to them, I send them to Ted Stevens, since dude put it so damned succinctly. However, classicist that I am, even I can still see the merit in putting the question to other semi-douchy pundit-types to see what they think. And by “see what they think” I of course mean “splice up their words to make them look stupid”:

Admittedly, I still prefer Senator Stevens’ explanation, but I will say I’ve always suspected that 50 Cent secretly was in control of the it all.

No, Woz. Just…..No.

Andy — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 05:56:16 +0000

For fuck’s sake, Woz. I mean, you’re a gajillionaire: start acting like one again.

I mean, honestly. I’m not against you being eccentric – hell, that sort of comes with the territory. But why can’t you be acceptably eccentric, like Paul Allen with his mega-yacht or Richard Branson and his balloon voyages or even George W. Bush with his “presidency”? You don’t seem to get it, Steve – you have more money than God : people with that kind of money – especially people with an IQ over 200 – should use that money to be just eccentric enough to make us forget about just what a dork they really are. But not you, Woz, you have to be a great, bearded (Seriously? 1978 called and it wants its look back) dork-conoclast.

Look, man, I’m a fan. What you did in that garage back in 1976 really changed the world, and not just in a purely romantic sense, either. The Apple ][? Come on! To this day, it's still my favorite computer I've ever worked on. And then when you kind of went off the reservation and cranked out those two US Festivals? Fucking epic. But since then, you've gotten more and more weird, and what's worse is you have no sense of irony about it. You joined a Segway polo team; you were on Dancing with the Stars; you dated Kathy Griffin and you're not even gay (or are you?): dude, you really need to get a fucking grip.

And so now, here you are, tottering around on your Segway at some NoCal Toyota dealership like Gob Bluth auditioning for Jeremy Piven's role in The Goods, helping to push a few more Priuses (Priuii?) off the lot and, I don't know, convince people to spring for the undercoating? No, Woz. Just....no. As a rich, eccentric public figure, I think it's time to re-evaluate your choices when you begin to make Howard Hughes look reasonable.

[Thanks, Dear Leader]

Respectfully Declined

Andy — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 19:41:13 +0000

As a consultant, I am always being approached by friends and acquaintances who are looking for me to do them a solid, often with promises of big payouts or even an ownership stake if/when things materialize. I’m generally inclined to say yes to most of these requests, either because I genuinely like helping people or, in some cases, the person asking for the favor is unattainably hot. However, there are some of these “opportunities” which I can’t say “no” to fast enough. Usually these are pitched to me as requiring little (if any) effort and accompanied by outrageous claims of wealth potential. The truth is, as soon as someone tells me something won’t take much of my time to do, it’s a signal to me that they either have no idea how I do what I do or, worse, think think they do, and thus will be all up in my shit while I’m trying to help them out.

Look, I understand that in order to make some serious scratch these days, you need to be able to a little giving with your taking, so I’m not suggesting that people shouldn’t be asking for favors – who knows if today’s pro-bono website might not be tomorrow’s Fail Blog, right? But having a good bullshit detector is key. Now, any fool with an internet connection knows that nobody’s bullshit detector is greater than the one that David Thorne – he of the hilariously infamous seven-legged spider – sports. Come to think of it, his bullshit-slinger is pretty top-notch, too. Just give a look at how he deftly rejects an overture for unpaid work.

*sigh* I hope I am not too old to engage in hero worship, because this guy is dreamy!

Solid State

Andy — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 04:09:15 +0000

Huzzah, Windows users! Someone has finally figured out a way to make your crappy Vista machine actually perform operations at the speed of a computer rather than, say, a constipated glacier. It turns out the trick is you just need to daisy-chain 24 solid-state drives together. So practical! So cheap! Ahem.

While I poke fun, I must admit it’s freaking wicked to watch a PC open every element of Microsoft Office simultaneously launch and open within half a second. On the other hand, this might be the first time I’ve ever seen most of those Office applications, since generally launching them takes so long I usually just get bored and walk away looking for something shiny.

[Via Giz]

Nerd Alert!

Andy — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 04:09:29 +0000

Attention, my geeky brethren (and, um, sistren?): if you enjoyed this….

…then you are going to love this….

And, if those don’t tickle your fancy, just watch this instead:

That is all.

[Via xkcd and BoingBoing]

Tweety

Andy — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 14:02:44 +0000

Sometimes I worry that I utilize tools like Twitter a bit too much. Then I see something like this and my fears abate:

I mean, I might tweet as much as this chick, but at least I don’t follow Scoble. Ugh.

The Apocalypse Is Upon Us

Andy — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 15:58:57 +0000

It turns out that T.S. Eliot was mistaken: the world will end not with a bang nor a whimper, but rather with an aging former geek icon attempting to dance on American television.

Pray for us.