Please Don't Be That Guy » Linksploitation

Linksploitation: All-Killer-No-Filler Edition

Andy — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 18:14:48 +0000

All right, people: I’ve got lots of links to dump and not a lot of time, so if you’ll excuse my lack of a witty preamble, we can get right down to it:

Most difficult. Game of Pong. Ever.
Tip #1 that these Avatar L.A.R.P. parodists aren’t really from Wisconsin (aside from the fact that there is no actual “Hometree” in the state) is that there are no Sconnie accents. Tip #2 is that there’s an African American among them. Heyo!
Fuck Yeah, Subtitles, my favorite Tumblr of the moment (because of stuff like this).
The Japanese are awesome, part #3,458,112,984: this time because of how they simulate a tiger escape at the Tokyo zoo.
Consider the Spiderman series officially “reloaded”. *shudder*
Yet another reason that I’m glad I’m not a high school principal: being clowned by horny 17 year-old boys.
On the face of it, this implementation of Windows 3.1 entirely in JavaScript seems perfect. That is, until you realize that it never produces a blue-screen of death.
Code Organ sounds hot. It’s not. But it is pretty cool!
These Lady GaGa cookies sure make me hungry…for cocaine, AstroGlide and socialized medicine, that is. See what I did there? Ha ho!

Linksploitation: Muscle-Memory Edition

Andy — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 04:35:59 +0000

I’ve not done this in a while, but I’ve got a ton of links to get off my chest, so fasten your seatbelts and get ready to do a little of the ol’ clicky-clicky:

Most terrifying. Rick-Roll. Ever.
My inner 10 year-old was all over the Star Wars version of Facebook. And my 36 year-old self was all over blogging about it. How meta!
Mama always told me to steer clear of dangerous women.
It’s hard to feel like my dining table is complete without Salt N’ Pepa shakers.
For some reason, I feel the sudden urge to dry hump my coffee maker. Damn, that Clooney is good!
I may have finally succeeded in finding photos of attractive women I have no interest in looking at.
Ladies, if you’re considering using a dating service, let me just save you the trouble: don’t.
As if mammaries weren’t fascinating enough, now we find out that she might be carrying around an office supply closet in there? Breasts: is there anything they can’t do?
I like to think that when you put Usher up against a screaming goat, nobody loses and we all win.
Wow. Donatella Versace’s still got it, baby!(NSF-anywhere-in-this-universe)
And finally, Optimus Prime FTW!

Linksploitation: Freaky-Friday Edition

Andy — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 19:41:26 +0000

For various reasons, I’ve spent most of my day sequestered indoors with poor lighting. That might explain why I look like Greystoke and have a the attention span of a fruit fly. In any case, I’m going to try to toss out some links before my ability to string complete sentences leaves me entirely.

This information seems good to know, but I still prefer the idea of Ned Flanders from The Simpsons breaking out his emergency baptism kit.
Granted, Christian Bale’s little on-set outburst is old news, but this soundboard gives you a nice little profanity-laced trip back in time.
Watching Attack of the Show on G4 has never really appealed to me….that is, until Olivia Munn donned a French maid’s outfit and dove into a gigantic chocolate cream pie. I smell Emmy!
I can’t tell what’s more surprising about this crazy sampling of popular Google searches: the fact that 456,000 people wondered “why do men have nipples” or that 42,300 people wondered “why Luke Skywalker is an idiot”.
Whoever said that chivalry is dead was apparently right.
Dude, if I’m going to shell out $186K for a bit of pop-culture history, it’s damned well going to be Tootie’s bong.
So, my birthday’s coming up in a few months, and I know I can be hard to buy for but…..BLAM!
Rule of thumb: if you can make land-mine humor work, you’re a comedy genius.

Linksploitation: Super-Monday Edition

Andy — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 04:48:29 +0000

Apparently there was some sort of major sporting event last night? I wouldn’t know, since once I learned that the Lingerie Bowl was canceled, I just turned off the television and rocked myself to sleep, crying. Thankfully, silly links on the Internets never get cancelled. To wit:

Special thanks to the Worth1000 people for bolstering my self-esteem with their latest contest
Next time you’re looking at a Google map, spare a thought for the poor woodland creatures who had to die so you could find the nearest Starbucks. Oh the humanity.
I have to imagine that Dick Cheney’s rumpus room features something like this.
After seeing the contents of this auction, I’ve become a big believer in the notion of eBay as therapeutic catharsis.
Best. e-Harmony questionnaire response. Ever.
Note to self, if you ever again find yourself in position to cheat on a significant other, consider driving a shitty car for a while after she finds out.
I don’t know how this preacher can call Oprah the Anti-Christ. After all, could the devil look this good in sarcophagus form? I think not.
You really can’t argue with this site. Case in point? Spla-dau!
If I were a Comcast subscriber, I totally would’ve watched the Superbowl, given the extra-special broadcast they provided during the game.

Linksploitation: A-Case-Of-The-Mondays Edition

Andy — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 04:23:00 +0000

Today was one of those days where I felt like I was a hamster on a wheel – so much energy expended to get me, well, nowhere at all. On the other hand, I got to use one of those wicked upside-down water bottle thingies – that was pretty sweet. Anyway, enough about me: on to the silly links!

Isn’t it remarkable that these days women have overcome years of objectification over their mere looks, so they can instead be objectified for their business prowess….and their looks? You’ve come a long way, baby! And on a side note, the Spanx chick? Seriously? Yeesh.
This official/unofficial remix of Weezer’s “Pork and Beans” video is even awesomer (look it up) than the first one. I mean, it’s got K-Fed making his “Popozao” face!
Suddenly that sweater that your Aunt Phyllis knit you for Christmas doesn’t seem so bad, does it?
“This is what it sounds like when dolls cry.” Dear lord, I wish I could take credit for that phrase, but I can’t. (NSFWOAITSSR – Not Safe For Work Or Anywhere In The Solar System Really)
Looking for a laugh and have ten minutes to kill? Have a go at this ridonkulous thread from a dating service’s message boards, in which things go from bad, to worse, to oh-my-god before your very eyes.
Something tells me that if you’re the type of guy who’d buy one of these, you’re never going to get into double-digits. I’m not saying, I’m just saying.
Drawings of stars in their britches and braces. Of particular note: Dolly Parton and Tom Cruise.
Can you grow the next president right in your own home? Yes you can. Now all we need is a Sarah Palin version of The Clapper (it turns on and off when you wink) and we’ll be all set!
Aw man, if this product goes global, my hands will be of no use to anyone anymore.
I’ve never thought of myself as a superhero before, but it turns out I have several of these superuseless superpowers. My personal favorite is Complimentary Chameleon.
I know it sounds impossible, but someone has invented a guitar whose design and concept actually prevent the guitarist from getting laid.

Linksploitation: It’s-Just-Snow-People Edition

Andy — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 17:17:23 +0000

It never ceases to amaze me how ridiculous people get about snow. I mean, it’s just snow, people! It’s not razorblades or shattered glass – you can, it turns out, drive on it. Anyway, I was able to use all that free time I had while I was going nowhere in traffic this morning to round up these silly links, ripe for the clickin’. Enjoy:

Oh come on, man – Stripper Robots? For reals? What’s next: Cherry 2000?
Say what you will about those cheese-eating surrender-monkeys, but