Escargo-go-go!

27 February 2009 | 10:50 PM

If snails really moved this fast….

…would we still be able to catch them and saute them in a pan with butter?

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Got Salma?

13 February 2009 | 1:05 PM

Last week, video of actress Salma Hayek breast-feeding a stranger’s hungry child in a Sierra Leone hospital emerged on the series of tubes, and mainstream media has been taking the story and running with it ever since:

Despite the fact that I objectify Ms. Hayek in pretty much every way possible, even a pervert like myself has to commend her for the matter-of-fact grace, sense of community and respect her actions belie. Even so, I couldn’t help but chuckle when I heard ABC’s morning show people introducing the story yesterday morning. The hosts found it truly incredulous that so many people – thousands, even millions – had watched the clip online. I realize this is my inner cynic speaking, but hello, we’re talking about video of Salma Hayek whipping her breast out, here: I’d frankly be shocked if the video didn’t grab as many eyeballs as that karate back-flip gone wrong and Chris Crocker’s defense of Britney Spears combined. Granted, this clip may have garnered a fair amount of “crossover” viewers, people interested in the poignant and beautiful story, but something tells me there are vast legions of people who regularly Google the phrase “Salma Hayek breast” and click everything that comes up in the results, irrespective of current events.

I’m not saying, but I’m just saying.

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Twit

21 January 2009 | 2:06 PM

Not for nothing, but if the actual Megan Fox was as funny, provocative and entertaining as her (alleged) Twitter feed is, she’d be vastly more attractive.

I’m not saying, but I’m just saying.

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Have It Your Way, Asshole

9 January 2009 | 11:52 AM

While I’ve never been a fan of its food, one has to admire Burger King for its pluck and gumption. Even though the chain always has (and always will) played second banana in the icky fast food market to McDonald’s, and even though now it’s even slipped behind Taco Bell, they are never bashful about introducing hare-brained marketing schemes. (Remember ye olde Subservient Chicken, from the days of yore?) Their latest advertising campaign is a little brutal, though: using their Facebook widget, customers can qualify for a free Whopper sandwich….so long as they ditch 10 of their Facebook friends.

It’s an interesting ploy. Maybe it’s a commentary on how addicted everyone is to social networking sites, using up valuable addiction-bandwidth which could otherwise be spent eating fast food? Or maybe some poor marketing person at BK is still bitter that one of their classmates from elementary school un-friended them? Either way, it’ll be interesting to see how it all plays out.

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Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid.

7 January 2009 | 10:38 AM

There are very few things in this world that I’m an actual elitist about, and one of those things is Wal-Mart. Despite some recent attempts at a charm-offensive to re-cast its image, the retail behemoth is the ugliest of corporate entities, a paean to at-all-costs profiteering and thinly veiled nationalism via capitalism. More importantly, those places are just icky – I always feel like I need a Silkwood-shower after leaving one.

Anyway, like ‘em or not, the things have spread from sea to shining sea like locusts over the past 45 years. No, seriously, as this video proves, watching Wal-Marts pop up hither, thither and yon all over America is akin to watching the spread of avian flu or, more aptly, Ebola.

Yikes. No wonder NASCAR is so popular.

[Thanks, Giz]

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Breakfast Of Champions

12 December 2008 | 10:59 AM

Are you a vegetarian for moral reasons who thinks that you’re on safe ground because you’re not eating any animals? Well then, this video is for you:

Great googly moogly! I’m beginning to think the only thing we as humans can ethically eat is wheat germ. Ahem.

[Via Meepzorp]

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God Hates Fred

18 November 2008 | 10:53 AM

Few people on this planet are more odious than the preacher Fred Phelps and his band of hateful nutbags at the Westboro Baptist Church. While lots of right-wing religious groups are stridently homophobic, this group’s tactics are so despicable that they make the Catholic Church look like a bunch of Unitarians. It’s never even occurred to me that Phelps actually had a family of his own, but I guess it makes sense that a fire-and-brimstone freakshow like him would attempt to build up his flock in the biblical way. In any case, I happened upon this heartbreaking account of growing up in the Phelps’ household, courtesy of his estranged son, Nate. It’s a fascinating and depressing read. I won’t claim that it gives me more insight into the man and his batshit insanity, but it does give me a more holistic view of just how pervasively crazy and hateful the guy is.

[Via Waxy]

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Policy Casualty

5 November 2008 | 2:51 PM

Like any good bedwetting, tree-humping liberal, one of the things I think should be a primary legislative and executive priority for the new president and congress is a sustainable and progressive approach to providing health care and insurance to everyone in this country. Usually, when I picture an ideal situation, I think of systems like Germany’s or Denmark’s, where health care is nationalized, bought and paid for by taxes on citizens and businesses. I’m no policy wonk on the subject, but I’ve done some reading on it. Sure, there are some drawbacks to the nationalized systems seen in Europe: cost controls mean that physicians’ salaries are capped fairly low, leading many to emigrate or abandon the profession in the pursuit of better money, and the availability of some procedures or treatments can sometimes be a bit sketchy. Still, though, it’s a model I often envision as being workable, or at least possibly adaptable to our current, market-driven approach. However, one of the things that rarely gets mentioned in these sorts of discussions is the place where immigration policy and national health care policy intersect. As this recent story out of Australia illustrates, a possible side-effect of so-called “socialized medicine” is that people’s health (and, even scarier, their disabilities) can be used as a screening criteria for how immigrants can successfully achieve citizenship.

Now, admittedly this particular instance hits close to home for me, given the role that Down syndrome plays in the story, but it does make me wonder a bit. As it stands now, Canada and many other countries with nationalized health care won’t allow people to gain residency if they have HIV or are too old. While i can certainly see the reasons behind the policy, I think it’s tinkering it with a fundamentally American ideal. We are, after all, a nation of immigrants. This is the place people come to start a new life, to chase a dream that they otherwise couldn’t. A place where opportunity abounds. Now we’re supposed to add a parenthetical to that? Something like, “(as long as you’re not sick, different or elderly)”? That seems intrinsically at odds with what I see as our core values, and what the likely intent of any American nationalized health system might be.

Maybe I’m way off the mark. I just wonder how to reconcile the grim realities of paying for a nationalized health system with what’s written on the plaque inside the Statue of Liberty.

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