Please Don't Be That Guy » Comedy = Tragedy + Time

Behind Enemy Panty Lines

Andy — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 17:55:21 +0000

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m definitely partying with the UK women’s bobsled bobsleigh team. Heyo!

I thought that part of the reason that women wear thongs was to avoid visible panty lines? Who cares: fabric failure FTW!

Good (Turtle) Fences Make Good Neighbors

Andy — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 16:42:25 +0000

After what feels like far too long of a wait, the latest Auto-Tune The News is out and – even by the Gregory Brothers’ standards – it’s a doozie:

Sure, it doesn’t have Katie Couric singing a vocoder duet with T-Pain, but still, it’s pretty freaking epic.

I’d Rather Kiss A Wookie

Andy — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 20:02:43 +0000

As an American, male thirtysomething, I’ve probably seen Star Wars more often than I’ve had sex – a concept which is either depressing or impressive, depending on how often you suppose I get laid. Be that as it may, the film’s lasting impact has less to do with the betterment of cinema and almost everything to do with its place in our collective consciousness: to this day, nothing has even come close to supplanting Star Wars as a pop-culture juggernaut. In the late 70’s and early 80’s, the best indicator of societal saturation for a phenomenon could be boiled down to one simple question: could Donnie and Marie Osmond do a parody of it on their variety show? I think the answer speaks for itself:

Kris Kristofferson as Han Solo is brilliant casting, no? Although I’m not entirely sure what Star Wars character Redd Fox is supposed to be an analog for. Incidentally, I’m no Bible scholar, but I’m pretty sure that Paul Lynde dancing with Darth Vader is one of the seven signs of the apocalypse.

Not Necessarily The News

Andy — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 04:50:29 +0000

I must confess that I gave up watching television news years ago: these days, whenever I’m looking for perspective on world events, I watch Glenn Beck and then just believe the exact opposite of everything he says. That said, allegedly there are still “hard journalism” organizations out there, chasing down stories and presenting them in, well, pretty much the same fashion as every other news outlet in the history of recorded time. Look familiar?

Wow, that shit was tight. Armed with this sort of tutorial, maybe Bill O’Reilly can finally score himself an actual Peabody Award? Dare to dream.

Thank You, Internet

Andy — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 19:43:26 +0000

Great googly moogly, I hate Nickelback with the white-hot passion of a thousand suns. And yet sometimes – like when they receive grammy nominations or when I see that they’ve sold another million records – I get discouraged, thinking that perhaps I’m the only one whose ears bleed whenever Chad Kroeger’s voice comes on the radio. Thankfully, though, the world wide intertubes have made me realize that I’m not alone, at least on this one.

(Not quite as awesome as this little slice of heaven but, in my view at least, it’s close.)

And The Cradle Will Rock

Andy — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 06:33:22 +0000

I fully realize that this makes me a horrible, horrible person….

…but there’s something truly wonderful about watching Elmo being tortured.

Gone Fishing

Andy — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 18:57:14 +0000

For me, fishing TV shows rank somewhere between the gospel hour on cable access and televised golf. That is to say they hold absolutely zero interest for me. However, if all fishing shows were distilled down to something this freaking awesome, I’d be all over them:

I defy you to find me anything that is funnier than a redneck swearing in front of a camera.

Sinterklaasterphobic

Andy — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 09:54:36 +0000

Merry Christmas, friends.

Here’s hoping your wooden shoes runneth over with presents. Peace.

The Ghost Of Christmas GASP

Andy — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 05:06:45 +0000

I’ve not historically been much of a fan of comedian/actor/grouse Patton Oswalt: I’ve always found him to be more aleck than smart, and his level of self-absorbtion seems titanic, even by celebrity standards. Be that as it may, I can’t help but admire his riff (and its incredibly well-done accompanying animation) on the true meaning of Christmas:

OK, despite the fact that Oswalt can be a sanctimonious dickhead, that shit is seriously funny. The money quote: “I may have died for your sins, but those shoes are unforgivable!”

Turkey Jerky

Andy — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 04:47:08 +0000

It’s Thanksgiving, and while I’m most thankful that I have my family and the people I love in my life, the awesomeness that is the inter-webs runs a very close second. More to the point, the fact that the Internet exists not just as a means for disseminating the truly awful things that the world has to offer, but also as a means to disseminate the truly wondrous reactions to said abhorrent stuff, makes me feel like there is clearly a higher power at work, and that power deserves my undying gratitude. As evidence, I give you this particular response – to my mind, one of the greatest ever recorded – to the dreaded “2 Girls, One Cup” (and no, I didn’t link to it – what do you take me for, a sicko?) meme:

As reaction shots go, it’s easily up there with Ron Jeremy’s first Goatse. Incidentally, this one comes to us via British vagabond Simon Michaels (clearly an Irvine Welsh fan) and his wife, who you may remember as the duo behind the of the adorable, torturous “Human Buckaroo” experiment I mentioned earlier.

How can I not be thankful after seeing that? Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

Tryptophanatic out.