Every Story Should Be A Taiwanese News Story

5 December 2009 | 8:38 AM

To be honest, I’ve tried to run as far away from the Tiger Woods “reaching for a different club” story as possible. I mean, not only is it so crazily out of bounds of being anything remotely to do with being my business, but I could give fuck-all about a) professional athletics in general, b) professional golf in particular and c) pretty much anything involving cocktail waitresses from Vegas. In fact, my only real opinion on the whole thing is that Woods is a fucking idiot: everyone knows that, if you’re going to cheat on your insanely hot – and by all accounts, charming and smart – Swedish wife, you do it with her equally hot, charming and smart twin sister. Anyway, to me the only gift that keeps on giving from this whole sordid episode is this Taiwanese TV news story’s CGI re-enactment of the events of that fateful night:

I kind of want to teach myself how to do shoddy CGI animation now so that I can re-enact everything from the Amy Fisher saga to Poppy Bush barfing on the Japanese Prime Minister.

Posted by Andy in Wincing The Night Away | Comments (2)

Granny Panting

4 December 2009 | 12:03 AM

Something about this makes me want to dig up both of my dead grandmothers so that I can apologize to them for the internet.

…and Andy never ate ice cream again.

Posted by Andy in Words Fail Me | Comments (0)

9021-Blows

2 December 2009 | 10:55 PM

My first thought upon seeing this opening title sequence for a newly-updated pornographic version of Beverly Hills 90210, is that the brain-trust behind Hustler appears to be slipping:

I mean, what the hell? No hot three-way with Valerie, Claire and Carly? No gratuitous shower scene with Brandon, Dylan and Nat from the Peach Pit? No Brian Austin Green character to simultaneously give syphilis, herpes and crabs to? I mean, they didn’t even bother to work “69″ into the title!

I mean, come on, Larry Flynt: it’s like you’re not even trying anymore.

Posted by Andy in Ummm...? | Comments (2)

For Whom The Belle Trolls

1 December 2009 | 3:40 PM

I don’t really have much to say about this picture, except that it might well be my favorite vaguely-erotic/vaguely-disturbing photograph in the history of recorded time.

Great googly moogly, I love the inter-webs.

Posted by Andy in Words Fail Me | Comments (0)