No, Woz. Just…..No.

7 December 2009 | 11:56 PM

For fuck’s sake, Woz. I mean, you’re a gajillionaire: start acting like one again.

I mean, honestly. I’m not against you being eccentric – hell, that sort of comes with the territory. But why can’t you be acceptably eccentric, like Paul Allen with his mega-yacht or Richard Branson and his balloon voyages or even George W. Bush with his “presidency”? You don’t seem to get it, Steve – you have more money than God : people with that kind of money – especially people with an IQ over 200 – should use that money to be just eccentric enough to make us forget about just what a dork they really are. But not you, Woz, you have to be a great, bearded (Seriously? 1978 called and it wants its look back) dork-conoclast.

Look, man, I’m a fan. What you did in that garage back in 1976 really changed the world, and not just in a purely romantic sense, either. The Apple ][? Come on! To this day, it's still my favorite computer I've ever worked on. And then when you kind of went off the reservation and cranked out those two US Festivals? Fucking epic. But since then, you've gotten more and more weird, and what's worse is you have no sense of irony about it. You joined a Segway polo team; you were on Dancing with the Stars; you dated Kathy Griffin and you're not even gay (or are you?): dude, you really need to get a fucking grip.

And so now, here you are, tottering around on your Segway at some NoCal Toyota dealership like Gob Bluth auditioning for Jeremy Piven's role in The Goods, helping to push a few more Priuses (Priuii?) off the lot and, I don't know, convince people to spring for the undercoating? No, Woz. Just....no. As a rich, eccentric public figure, I think it's time to re-evaluate your choices when you begin to make Howard Hughes look reasonable.

[Thanks, Dear Leader]

Posted by Andy in Nerdapalooza