Take A Picture, It’ll Last Longer

25 January 2009 | 11:23 PM

When I was a middle schooler, learning about the crafting of the Constitution in social studies, I remember one of the things which affected me the most was a painting, Howard Chandler Christy’s Scene at the Signing of the Constitution of the United States. It’s like an American version of DaVinci’s The Last Supper, and the piece always struck me as the sort of All Star Game of American revolutionary history: why, there’s Thomas Jefferson shagging flies in left field, Ben Franklin’s behind the plate, and I’ll be damned if they didn’t get George Washington to bat cleanup! Even though it was well after-the-fact and not necessarily historically accurate, it conveyed to me the immediacy and, more importantly, the momentousness of the occasion in a way that hit really close to home. I mean, to a twelve year old, if literally every person you know of from 1770’s colonial America is gathered in one room hovering over a piece of paper, you can bet your tetherball-playing ass that it’s a pretty fucking important event.

Last week’s presidential inauguration created a similar opportunity for us to be singularly aware of an event’s significance as it was going down. These days, we don’t have to wait 170 years for someone to come along to capture the moment for us: technology means it can indelibly retain its visceral impact. The crowds were huge, sure, but what struck me most as I pored over this 1474 megapixel composite image of the event is the star power of those in attendance. Now, inaugurations generally feature the luminaries of government, both past and present, in their galleries – it’s sort of the nature of the beast. But typically the rest of the country (and, by extension, the world) has been content to watch the event on television, sometimes not even live. It’s not that the peaceful transfer of power from Harrison to Tyler to Polk (or Reagan to Bush to Clinton for that matter) isn’t important: it’s just that it’s all become rather routine, which I suppose is what our nation’s founders might’ve intended it to be. After all, a hum-drum succession generally means no coup d’état or military junta is rattling around in the captiol, so the quieter the better, right? Still, everyone knew that this inauguration was different. Do you recall the nation grinding to a halt in the same way when Jimmy Carter was sworn in? Or for George H.W. Bush’s inaugural? Of course not. Add to that the fact that today’s media has turned even the bit players of Washington’s political scene into household names, and the inaugural becomes a sort of Oscar ceremony for our nation’s capitol.

In any case, after being appropriately impressed by the size of the crowds and the pomp and circumstance of it all, I got over my patriotic pride and began scouring the image (thanks to its wicked zoom and pan ability) for a who’s who of American society. While I didn’t find any James Madisons or Alexander Hamiltons, it was striking who turned up. And so, here’s a little scavenger hunt for you, call it Obama Bingo – see if you can find:

• Dubya giving the ol’ sour-puss golf-clap.
• Poppy looking as if he’s attempting to reprise Ernest Borgnine’s role from Ice Station Zebra.
• Denzel Washington standing next to someone who appears to be Sidney Poitier, with Sean P-Diddly-Dang-Doodily Combs just behind him.
• Antonin Scalia daydreaming about new and exciting ways he can misinterpret the Constitution and trample our democracy.
• Dick Cheney looking like the lost lovechild of Jack Abramoff and Dr. Strangelove.
• Some dude in the left gallery representin’ in a Packers hat.
• Dan Quayle trying to remember if “freezing” is spelled with one “z” or two.
• Clarence Thomas nodding off, murmuring “affirmative action my ass” in his sleep.
• Hillary preparing to give her husband a look that says, “Bill, I saw you staring at Michelle Obama’s ass during the oath.”
• Jenna and Barbara Bush looking like they’re attending a funeral.
• Al Gore pondering the carbon footprint of the ceremony.
• Chief Justice Roberts wondering if anyone noticed.
• Yo Yo Ma taking a picture of the proceedings (and patting himself on the back for bringing his outdoor cello with him).
• Morgan Freeman taking things in, just a few rows deep, reverse Kangol and all.
• Aretha Franklin and her new-Lexus-ribbon hat.
• Newt Gingrich, looking as if his blood pressure is rising 10 points for every stanza in the President’s speech.

In all seriousness, it’s pretty awesome to be able to peek into this amazing moment in our history. And all seriousness aside, I’m a little pissed that I can’t find Oprah anywhere.

[Via Geekologie]

Posted by Andy in Politcally Incoherent