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Archives: December 2008
14 December 2008 | 11:50 PM
Despite all of my whining over the past couple of weeks, the reality is that heretofore it has not yet gotten brutally cold around these parts. Apparently that’s all about to change late tonight, when temperatures are about to plummet to levels most people only assumed were achievable in the furthest reaches of outer space. So in the interest of keeping nice and toasty warm, go ahead and huddle close together around the warm, IQ-draining glow of these silly links. I’ll be in my igloo doing a heat dance.
- Whoever hung up this sign is, and always will be, my hero.
- Best. Inspirational Speech. Ever. I dunno about you, but I’m going to start out each day of the rest of my life by watching this bad boy.
- There’s something rather unsettling about seeing your favorite Disney characters’ dissembled parts in 3-D. And by “unsettling” I mean “cool”.
- As an agnostic Jew, I can’t say that Christmas songs are high on my list of must-haves for the holiday season. However, these game-ified and midi-ified versions make a compelling argument. (I like this one best)
- Let’s all salute the creator of the Benny Hillifier, the essential tool for the web video age!
- OK, this thing is kind of funny, but mostly because the guy doing the Obama impression is spot-on.
- Guys, if you have a female room-mate who will never in a million years sleep with you, go ahead and pull this prank on them, since you won’t actually be losing any opportunities.
- Wow, it’s as if some idiots allowed me to be responsible for naming their products. Yikes.
- Here’s some required reading for those out there about to take a hike through bear country.
- And here’s a little required reading for those out there who are struggling to come up with the perfect gift for that special lady in their life.
- Even for a mammophile like me, these detailed anatomical drawings of breasts take a little too much of the mystery out of the things.
- Oh, and speaking of which, apparently there are 65,000 pairs of inflatable breasts lost at sea somewhere between Australia and China. This sounds like a job for Woody Allen!
Posted by Andy in Linksploitation |
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14 December 2008 | 10:55 PM
Ahh, virginity. Or, more importantly, the loss thereof. While most guys are so eager to rid themselves of the pesky thing – heaven knows that, had the internet existed back in my salad days, I would’ve made sure that there were entire web sites dedicated to the awesomeness of my ascension to manhood – our culture has conditioned ladies to be guarded and almost reverential about conjugating the verb for the first time, and perhaps rightly so. After all, becoming a woman is a delicate and wondrous thing, something any girl would only share with her most trusted confidants and friends. Oh, right, and maybe her dad. Yikes.
Yeesh. I honestly don’t know what the takeaway is for a fathers like me who have daughters: do I forbid her from ever going on a high school class trip, or would I be better served to never allow her to own a cell phone so I don’t have to hear about what happened?
Posted by Andy in Fail |
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14 December 2008 | 10:20 PM
A fair amount of the work I do these days takes place in and around so-called “agencies”, glorified marketing firms who are long on style, short on substance and – trust me – far too expensive for you or I to hire. These joints are generally staffed by talented, genial folks, with the one exception almost universally being the designers. These fire-breathing dragons are pretty much paid to be megalomaniacal, dictatorial pricks (and in my experience they almost never disappoint), but they need to be in order to create the unwavering vision which needs to blah blah blah….oh man, I can’t even type this shit with a straight face. Anyhoo, in the spirit of the season, I thought I’d pass along this little window into how an agency works, by way of A Charlie Brown Christmas:
Something tells me you’ll never look at Linus Van Pelt the same way again, no?
Posted by Andy in Comedy = Tragedy + Time |
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14 December 2008 | 10:02 PM
At the risk of putting a finger on just how much of an old fogie I am, this time of year always makes me think of Band Aid, the UK super-group that was put together back in 1984 in order to record the single “Do They Know It’s Christmas” to raise money for famine relief in Ethiopia. Even though there was a stateside project called USA For Africa which came out shortly afterward, Band Aid was always nearer and dearer to my heart, if for no other reason than I was at that time more likely to listen to terrible British popular music than terrible American popular music. Anyway, with the economy currently circling the drain and oodles of dollars disappearing from the coffers of the super-rich like cocaine in Lindsay Lohan’s trailer on the set of Georgia Rule, I’m please to see that someone has brought the project out of retirement to serve a new purpose.
I can’t tell which I find more hilarious: the updated lyrics, the simian drummer standing in for Phil Collins or Nick Rhodes’ haircut.
Posted by Andy in Comedy = Tragedy + Time |
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12 December 2008 | 10:59 AM
Are you a vegetarian for moral reasons who thinks that you’re on safe ground because you’re not eating any animals? Well then, this video is for you:
Great googly moogly! I’m beginning to think the only thing we as humans can ethically eat is wheat germ. Ahem.
[Via Meepzorp]
Posted by Andy in Food For Thought |
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10 December 2008 | 12:48 PM
I know I sound like a bit of a broken record here, but god freaking bless the Japanese. Here in the states, our zoos prepare for the unlikely situation wherein a captive rhinoceros escapes its enclosure and runs amok by writing up documentation on what to do and putting it in a binder (probably one labeled “PANIC!”). Our friends from the land of the rising sun, though, don’t just rely on what some pencil-necked paper-pushing bureaucrat says they should do. Rather, they make themselves a fake rhino and play such an incident out to make sure all bases are covered:
Well, that settles it: if I’ve got to be stuck in a zoo while a two-ton horned animal is rampaging about, I want to make damned certain it’s a Japanese zoo. Although, I have to say, I’m not completely confident in their abilities: after all, some of those security personnel look awfully familiar.
[Via Weird Asia News]
Posted by Andy in Science (Not Scientology) |
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9 December 2008 | 12:40 AM
As someone who grew up wanting to be Gopher on The Love Boat (hey, he got to wear shorts all day, every day, at work) I, like many Americans, still have a little non-cynical spot in my heart for the luxury cruise lines. Sure, every year we hear a story about three thousand passengers getting sick at sea with the novovirus, or that another cruise ship has fallen to Somali pirates and is being ransomed for millions of dollars in some Sri Lankan hell-hole, but those are mere blips on the radar for an industry who’s given millions of satisfied travelers easy access to buy trinkets in Mazatlan, provided convenient ways to smuggle Guatemalan babies back to the States and even ensured Charro had a job. That said, you might want to skip dining on the high seas after seeing this little video clip:
Skip head to about, oh, 1:25-ish and you’ll see the fun begin. Emphasis on “high seas”, right? Yikes. I guess now we know why all of the Love Boat passengers spent most of their time at Isaac’s bar.
Posted by Andy in Ummm...? |
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9 December 2008 | 12:22 AM
Though NBC’s Saturday Night Live jumped the shark somewhere during Reagan’s first term, occasional flashes of brilliance do still emerge from the not-ready-for-prime-time-players. Of late, the vast majority of these funny bits have been digital shorts featuring Andy Samberg, who’s managed to bring in some collaborative comedy from his former mates in The Lonely Island. These days, SNL isn’t even watchable as a television program, but thanks to the internets I can cut right to the hilarity, like so:
Zing! It’s a Lonely Island joint, but apparently it was also featured on SNL? Eh, I don’t know. What I do know is it’s pretty freaking funny. No, it’s not their best or even second-best sketch, but it’s up there with their inspired Natalie Portman opus, and that’s saying something.
Plus, their use of the vapid Molly Sims – she of “I live for a great halter-top” fame – is a nice touch.
[Via Waxy]
Posted by Andy in Comedy = Tragedy + Time |
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6 December 2008 | 11:03 PM
We’re all used to the conventional wisdom that fast food will mess you up good and proper, if eaten in mass quantities over time. I guess some people can’t afford to wait around that long, because some dude got popped in Florida (of course – isn’t it always Florida?) for assaulting his girlfriend with a cheeseburger. Twice.
Now there’s a risk that probably escaped mention on the nutritional content information back at the restaurant. As ridiculous as this story is, it’s not even the first time a cheeseburger has been the weapon of choice in a domestic disturbance.
See, this is why I only go to Taco Bell.
Posted by Andy in Ummm...? |
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6 December 2008 | 10:42 PM
Even if you’ve never seen Seinfeld co-creator Larry David’s tremendously funny Curb Your Enthusiasm (or, more to the point, have never heard the show’s theme music), chances are very high that you’ll, like me, find this bit of skulduggery quite entertaining. My favorite entry is the Alien-themed installment, shown below, for what I’m sure you’ll agree are obvious reasons:
In the game of life, there are non sequiturs and then there are what I like to call “now-that’s-just-wrong”’s. Which one do you reckon this thing is?
Posted by Andy in Comedy = Tragedy + Time |
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