Kosher Uprising

18 April 2008 | 5:10 PM

As proved by my mother’s repeated reminders that I’m on the hook for attending her seder, Passover is once again nearly upon us. For the uninitiated, it’s the holiday where Jews celebrate our ancestors’ escape out of the bonds of Egyptian slavery by having a meal that takes nearly as long to get through as the forty years The Tribe wandered around in the desert. A particular quirk of the Passover tradition tells us that we must only eat un-leavened bread products during this time, to commemorate the fact that the ancients were forced to hit the road and run before their own bread had risen. My experience has been certain more conservative Jews have extended this ban on all-things-not-matzoh to include a host of seemingly un-related products: everything from Coca Cola to certain salad dressings are apparently off-limits, at least if you’re whole, um, hog (I kid because I care) about your adherence to your faith. But what about things for which there’s no stopping the rising? Yes, I am talking about penises, and yes, this has all been a long-winded introduction for an even longer-winded Pesach-themed dick joke. Enjoy!

This could represent a very slippery slope: if they take erections out of the Jewish holidays, Woody Allen’s no longer going to have any material. I’m not saying, but I’m just saying.

[Via Fleshbot]

Posted by Andy in Comedy = Tragedy + Time